My Life right now

29 Mar

I am turning into a vegetable. I thought life was busy before, I was wrong. My grandmother went into the Hospital on Saint Patrick’s Day. My grandmother who is really my mother because she raised me and my sister. She is going through Kidney failure, has issues with her heart and liver and is now on Hospice. My heart is melting and trying to become numb but everytime I think I have myself composed tears start falling out of no where. I had been working out for stress relief and health and I’ve fallen out of that.

I’m not writing right now. Well I am but not moving any where. I feel mired. My goals that I had for this year seem impossible to reach and we haven’t even hit month four yet. Someone said to me recently that they want me to help them write politically, socially and professionally and I immediately felt like the task was impossible. My confidence is shattered and my soul is too bruised.  

My bright side exists thus: quiet evenings with my girlfriend, reading, watching movies and staring off into space. 

This makes me think about the book of poems I wanted to write about mourning. 

Adrienne Rich died the other day and that made me cry. I’ve only read one book of her poems but I was sobbing over the loss. Its amazing how the body finds its own way of release. 


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